For my whole life, I have always known that I wanted to be a mother. I thought I would be a young mom with a few kids, and we'd live our lives happily ever after. I daydreamed about the fun adventures we would go on, and which kinds of sugar cookies we'd get to make together. However, I didn't get married until I was 28 and so kids just weren't part of my life. I was totally okay with this, and I was more than okay waiting until 28 to get married. Every year on Mother's Day I just took it as a day to celebrate my own mom. While my friends all posted pictures of their kids, or made pregnancy announcements, I got the opportunity to just focus on my own mother. This is something I was never sad about. I loved it!
This year has been my first Mother's Day as a married woman. When Simone and I met two years ago, I definitely thought I'd have been made a mom by now. So, this year Mother's Day has felt a little different than the other years. It has given me a new perspective than before. It's allowed me to see mother's day through the eyes of those who have wanted children and for one reason or another not yet had them.
Earlier in the week I had made up my mind that I didn't want to go to church on Mother's Day. I knew all the talks and lessons would be about Mother's. How special their mother's were and what a difference they made in their lives. Then all the children would get up and start singing to their moms. The thought just seemed too hard to deal with. I have always been a pretty emotional person, so I didn't want to set my self up for public tears. However, as Sunday got closer I knew that I needed to go.
I know I am not the only woman who struggles with this holiday. I know there are women around the world who struggle on this day. Women with and without children find this day to be a reminder of all they have done wrong. For those without children, or for those that want more, this day is a reminder of what we don't have. We allow ourselves to focus on the bad. We think about how we could be better moms, or we are jealous of those who are. Maybe you are a woman who doesn't want children and feel judged by those around you. We all have different wants and desires, and this day can remind us of all those things.
A few weeks ago we got to celebrate Easter. This is a day where we focus on our Savior Jesus Christ. We talk about His Sacrifice for us. We talk about how it is because of Him that we can return to our Heavenly Father. This past weekend I just kept thinking about how He didn't just die for our sins, but also our pains and our heartache.
"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." ~Alma 7:11-12 (Book of Mormon)
Because He felt the pains we would experience, He is truly the only one who knows us. He is the only one that really knows what we are going through. I don't know what it's like to walk in anyone else's shoes but my own. However, I know that we all have trials. We all have struggles, and hopes and dreams. Sometimes those dreams come true and sometimes they don't...at least not yet. I do know that as we turn to our Savior, we can find the comfort we need. We don't need to feel alone. We don't need to be sad or down on ourselves, because our Savior Jesus Christ is right there to carry us through.
With this in mind I convinced myself to go to church with Simone on Sunday. I am so glad I went. I was reminded of how much my Savior loves me. He makes me feel a little less alone. Then, in Sunday school I was reminded that all women are mothers even if we don't have children. We are blessed as women with the ability to nurture and love those around us. We can make a difference and help those around us even without children of our own. It was pointed out that Eve was made "The Mother of All Living" before she ever had children of her own. We, like Eve, can be mother's to those around us by loving them and caring for them. Make sure you care for yourself as well...and then serve others. Love them, listen to them, serve them. Sometimes it's the smallest acts of kindness that make the biggest difference.
With all of that said, I am grateful to all the women in my life who have loved me and cared for me all these years. Friends, neighbors, aunts, cousins, grandmothers, my mother-in-law, and mostly my own mother have done so much for me. My heart is filled with so much gratitude as I think about how blessed I really am. I feel like the cast from Wicked whenever I say this, but I really feel like "because I knew you...my life has been changed for good."
I wish I could find the words to thank my own mother for all she has done. She has made so many, countless sacrifices for me. I've had so many ups and downs in my life and she has been there for every single one. She has laughed and cried with me. We have experienced joys and many heartaches. She encourages me to do my best, to keep the commandments, and love others. She has shown me that it is possible to never talk poorly about another person. She shows me what it means to love your husband and make sacrifices for your family. She has taught me that you can have fun and be silly, but still be respectful and kind. She taught me how to cook and to clean, how to create and work hard. But mostly she has taught me what love really looks like. I love her so much, and I can't even imagine this life without her. Happy Mother's Day to her and everyone else. I love you.
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